The Campaign of '08
D.Day
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BSA Hornet
Gas prices may be going up, but the price of delivering a cherry pie went down this year, thanks to the BSA Hornet and a flexible plan that abandoned the Dog Door of Death strategy. Early on in this year's campaign, it became evident that the Squirrel Liberation Army had done a good job at reconnaissance as even the slightest movement in the basement dog door resulted in an immediate scattering of their forward scouts. (Previous campaign reports can be found here and here).
The SLA's finest
In addition to the need for new tactics in dealing with the insurgency, a new strategy was needed to deal with the massive waves of attack that the SLA was mounting on the Backyard front. The challenge was complicated by the need to keep the native human population calm while living in what would normally be deemed a war zone. For this reason, the decision was made to retire the FX cyclore in favor of the less versatile, but high stealth-like surgical capability of the BSA Hornet in .177 caliber. This decision along with replacement of the sniper position to one which overlooked the entire backyard front, proved that the Coalition of the Cherry Tree Protectorate mandated by UN resolution 3467 can operate with enough flexibility to achieve victory in a prolonged and fluid campaign while avoiding a backlash from the local populace due to indiscriminate firing into heavily populated areas. In fact, the entire '08 campaign was achieved with only one resident knowing about the operation, and this person's knowledge was critical due to his role as civilian observer of enemy activity.
For security reasons, the exact location of Firebase Alpha cannot be revealed due to coalition concerns that the more intelligent of the SLA will read this report and provide information back to the few SLA insurgents surviving this year's battle. As the Dog Door of Death is now out of commission due to counter-intelligence leaks, the coalition cannot risk revealing the location of Firebase Alpha as it will be used until such time as the SLA begins to respond to human activities from that area. Anticipating future enemy response to activities originating from Firebase Alpha, the U.S. Army's War College in Hershey, PA has been commissioned to study the issue for evolving smooth transition of coalition strategies in coming years.
For historical purposes, the '08 campaign began in a manner not similar to the campaigns of 04, 05, 06, and 07. The cherry tree was again in beautiful blossom which suggested a particularly tough campaign lay ahead during the months of May and June. Much of this information has been previously documented in The Cherry Pie Chronicles.
Early observation indicated that several members of the SLA's '07 army were still making raids into the DMZ, so in addition to a change in location of Firebase Alpha and rearming of the coalition forces with the BSA Hornet, the upper limbs of the cherry tree were pruned along with cutting of overhanging oak tree limbs from the neighboring yard. The advantage that this strategy provided the coalition forces was key to the upcoming combat because if any forward scouts of the SLA made it to the cherry tree, no avenues of escape other than up or down the trunk existed and this offered the coalition with clear and continued fire capability for any such insurgents.
After all preparations were completed, and the cherries began to ripen, an unplanned calm occurred in the DMZ with few SLA incursions. This caused much political unrest at home with questions of the wisdom of spending so much of coalition resources on '08 preparations. However, shortly after the congressional hearings on the matter, the strategy was found to be key to success of the '08 campaign. The pruning along with the surgical accuracy of the BSA Hornet resulted in infliction of extremely high casualties upon the enemy, and this is credited with the high-yield crop harvest at cessation of hostilities on June 15, 2008. At the time of this report, considerable debate existed between coalition members regarding the publicity of the significant carnage that occurred with this year's campaign, but since the SLA rodent-leaders have short memory spans, it is hoped that this chronicle will remind them of the futility of their behavior and lessen their willingness to engage in a 2009 campaign of deception and thievery.
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Coalition forces performed superbly during the '08 campaign, achieving a shot to kill ratio of 1:0.889 . Only one of nine insurgents over a five day period survived withering firepower from coalition snipers using the BSA Hornet and the coalition suffered no casualties with only one wound inflicted while retrieving an SLA body. The only problem experienced was that the high kill-success rate created a severe shortage of body bags for the SLA fallen, but fortunately this was alleviated through generosity of two fine American Body Bag producers - CVS and Stop N Shop. In the coming weeks demobilization of the coalition until the '09 campaign will occur, and during this time of high prices for gasoline, all Americans can thank the coalition for their fine achievement in holding down the high cost of cherry pie!
Coalition Cherry Pie Recipe
Ingredients
1 recipe pastry for a 9 inch double crust pie
4 tablespoons quick-cooking tapioca (in the Jello section of the store)
1/8 teaspoon salt
1 cup white sugar
4 cups pitted cherries
1/4 teaspoon almond extract
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/2 tablespoons butter
Directions: Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Place bottom crust in pie pan. Set top crust aside, covered.
In a large mixing bowl combine tapioca, salt, sugar, cherries, and extracts. let stand 15 minutes. Turn out onto bottom crust and dot with butter. Cover with top crust, trim, flute edges, and cut vents in top crust. Place pie on a foiled cookie sheet in case of drips. Bake in oven for 50 minutes until golden brown.
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